Are you looking to make life changes to your overall self? By this, I mean lifestyle changes that come from within. Old habits, mindsets, ways of thinking, and beliefs…not all these things serve a purpose or have a place in our current life today. Have you ever wondered what your mission in this life is? Do you want to discover your purpose? What’s holding you back from living the best life that’s meant for you?
As a middle-aged woman (now 47), I’ve spent nearly the last two years reflecting on, learning from, healing, and moving on, from an event that became “the straw that broke the camel’s back.” This turning point proved to be a pivotal turning point, especially in my spiritual life.
I spent my life, holding onto things that no longer served me, that caused me such pain, which I allowed to play over and over in my head until diminishing my self-worth. This impacted my way of thinking, relationships with myself, and relationships with family and friends. A much more global impact existed, one much greater than I could have ever imagined.
What would you do if someone told you to, “Go find yourself?” What exactly did that mean? Was I lost? Had I become a foreigner of sorts? My body had been changing on so many levels over the years, mentally, physically, physiological.ly, and spiritually too. Slowly but surely, many things started spiraling out of control.
To describe what I was feeling and going through was such an abstract concept unless you were going through and experiencing exactly what I did. I felt of this world, yet a disconnect of sorts. I felt this tug, this yearning to reach up, extend myself, and become one with the energy source, sun.
One day, it happened. My life, as I knew it shattered. Everything came to a full head. It was known as, a mid-life identity crisis. Yep! Me! At age 45. Who knew? Not me. How was this the person I had become? This happens to other people, I thought. Everything seemed surreal, like a bad dream. I wanted so much for all the events and happens in my life during that time, to just simply disappear, go away. Not so fast! The more I suppressed, the stronger the feelings, the sensations, the energy, and flashbacks came on! I experienced anxiety, even some panic attacks, and depression for a few months. Memories kept resurfacing and I knew I needed help, someone, to help get me back on track before spinning further out of control.
I didn’t like the person I had become during that time. My first stop was with a priest to make a confession and receive his loving guidance and blessing during that time. Even though I don’t know what happened to me, through the loss of control I experienced and felt, an even more important message was received. That message was, “Have you forgiven yourself?” I had been my toughest critic, being terribly hard on myself. Forgiving and loving myself unconditionally was going to take a lot of time and patience on my end of things.
With that said, I knew I needed to see a professional, someone who would help me work through many things I experienced in my life, in a healthy and safe environment. Throughout the year, I had appointments with a therapist, someone who listened to all the words I said (even my body language too). I was too blinded by my hurt and pain to see beyond that which she could see.
In one of my sessions, I shared with her the comment that was made about finding myself. What she shared next was a quote from George Bernard Shaw, “Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.” Hearing this helped me to see my life in a new way. I come to learn more about my emotions, what I was feeling during this time was a loss, not necessarily a physical death of someone, but other losses in life. Mourning, yes I was going through the stages of grief during this time. Who knew? But it all made perfect sense in its own time.
Going through counseling provided me with more strength, confidence, and a foundation, creating healthier habits and mindsets. Throughout this experience, my soul was craving more, someone, who could help me take my life to the next level, discover and become my authentic self. But who? How? When? Where? Many questions entered my mind. I was in need of direction, a sign.
My cousin, Mukkove Johnson, had recently published her devotional, “Mess to Majesty: Let God Love You in Your Mess.” I purchased a copy for myself and friends to help support her in her journey, spread the word, and provide guidance in my life too.
As I read her stories, I saw myself as the woman in the book. I felt a connection wanting to know more, grow deeper in my faith. Soon, she became my Christian Women’s Life Coach, and I, a part of a larger community and cohort group with other women.
Transformation happened in 90 days! I learned the importance of taking time for myself, the role of emotions, created space for God, learned to hear, and trust in His voice speaking through me. There is so much more to my story. You are worth the investment. Your future self will thank you for this gift!
If you are seeking guidance in your life, in need of someone who listens whole-heartedly, provides responses filled with love, joy, and peace, getting a life coach may be right for you. Do your research and find the right fit for you!
For more information, visit Mukkove Johnson
