“There’s nobody in Alaska for me.”
“There are no good singles in Alaska.”
“All my friends are married. What about me?”
We hear you. It’s nearly the end of 2019 and you’re single and dating. Winters in Alaska can make us feel desperate for a warm body to cozy up with on long winter nights, but we know you’re single because you’re discerning; you’re not going to settle for just anyone.
Why does it feel so tough sometimes to date in Alaska? Are there factors here that are different and more challenging than other places? Well, as we all know, we’re an enormous state with not that many people… so if you’re purely looking at the numbers, then there are fewer people here. To add another level of complexity, a lot of folks here work out of town. Whether you’re away for the field season, work an alternating schedule on the Slope, or spend your summers commercial fishing – the seasonal, transient nature of a lot of Alaskans can make it difficult to truly connect. Also, people often marry earlier here than in other places – so it might be that if you’re in your mid-30s, the options are slimmer than they used to be.
But let’s also look at you- that’s right -what are some of the things you’re doing that impact why you’re still single?
We are inherently creatures of habit. The problem is that the same routine that makes us regulars at our favorite coffee shop also limits the amount of new people we see. The reality is that if you always go to the same places and see the same people, well, you’ll only see the same people! Branching out from time to time, whether by visiting a new restaurant, trying a new activity, or accepting the invite to a friend’s party – these are all things that allow you to meet new people and widen your social net.
One way many people help to widen their social circle is through the use of dating apps — Tinder, Bumble, Hinge — they are great options to connect with other singles. The problem that seems to crop up most frequently in online dating are profiles that don’t quite represent a person as well as they could. Photos that don’t show your smile or bios that are vague (or too specific!) typically end up with a swipe left. Don’t get us wrong, we’re not saying you should misrepresent yourself. It’s important to show others what you’re interested in, both in terms of activities you enjoy and what type of relationship you’re seeking.
Of course, changing your schedule or editing your profile aren’t likely to have much impact if you’re still hanging on to baggage from a previous relationship. All too often, we see people with residual resentment or pain stemming from some unfortunate past. If you’re bringing that same resentment to new encounters, you’re not being your best version of yourself.
We get it, you want to protect your heart- the problem is, this leaves you closed off to new opportunities.
Seeking support from friends and family or professionals is one of the most effective ways of improving your dating life and increasing your chances of meeting someone. Whether you’re asking them for feedback about yourself or how you could find better dates, having them review your online dating profile, or seeing if they know anyone wonderful they could introduce you to – it can be helpful to have a support team to help you find the love of your life.
If you’re single and you don’t want to be, you’re probably told by others, “It’ll happen when you least expect it.”
We suggest calling in your support team, attending new events and trying new things, healing your heart, and building an amazing life. We also recommend you to say “no” to the wrong people faster (you know when it’s not really working), stop dating projects or people because you see their “potential,” and only pursue people who seem to be pursuing you, too.
As dating and relationship coaches and matchmakers here in Alaska, we can tell you with 100% certainty that there ARE incredible single people here in Alaska who are seeking other incredible people. Don’t get caught in scarcity thinking or the assumption that it won’t happen for you. Take what you can from this article and make one tiny tweak to your approaches to dating. Have faith – you’re not alone, we know you’re awesome, and we’re cheering you on in finding and growing love.